Date Your Spouse

Who doesn’t like to go out on a date? Dating is fun! And it is purposeful as well. 

When a new relationship begins, it is usually a given that you want to go out on as many dates as humanly possible. The strong magnetic pull to be together is almost as intense as your need for breath itself. You make time, change your schedule and cancel other plans just for the opportunity to sit across from this new found love and bask in all its giddy glory. I most definitely remember that exhilarating time in life for my husband Larry and I. It was the best! 

Larry and I had actually grown up side-by-side in families that attended church together. We often found ourselves in the same circles yet never really communicating or connecting on a one-on-one basis. 

Later in life, when we started to spend more time together in groups of friends, we began to develop stronger feelings for one another. That is when we discovered that even though we had been around each other often there were many unknown layers to unravel – a whole new level of relationship. 

The more time I spent around Larry my eyes began to open to the exceptional characteristics and qualities that he possessed. I was greatly intrigued and wanted to get to know him more. I wanted to spend as much time as I could with him. Thankfully, he felt the same way about me. 

To our hindrance, in the very beginning we were both quiet, reserved and shy when in each other’s company. That makes things a bit more difficult when you desire to get to know someone. One thing we did have in common was writing. We both loved to write and felt we could express ourselves best in that way. One beautiful and blessed day (that changed my life forever) I received an email from Larry…”just saying hello”. I wrote him back and that was the beginning. Our relationship blossomed through the written word. 

Despite our obvious attraction to each other, getting us together in person was a bit more challenging. We were both so quiet in nature and struggled with the initial in-person meetings. We are incredibly grateful for close friends and family who planned hangouts for us all to be together. That helped break the ice and made us feel more comfortable. 

Once we finally made the leap into openly admitting our love for each other, in person, out loud and face-to-face, we never wanted to be apart. It was intoxicating, thrilling and all the butterflies in my stomach were fluttering, all day, every day – nonstop! 

In the early stages of our relationship we were completely content to sit across from each other, hold hands and look into each other’s eyes. And honestly, we still are! Larry often says to me now, “How did I get you?”, to which I always reply, “It was that look in your eyes!”. He still looks at me that way today. And my heart is won a million times over. 

Getting to know each other is like unraveling a ball of yarn. In the beginning you want to find out as much as you can about the person who has captured your full attention. You date often with lots of flirtatious eye-contact, having intentional conversations and putting your best foot forward. However, after marriage when life gets busy, it can feel as if you know everything about the person you have married. Dating might fall in between the cracks and become a less frequent affair. 

I wholeheartedly believe that dating should continue well into your golden years and be set with a high standard of reverence and commitment to persevere “until death alone shall separate you”. 

Your spouse is the most treasured relationship you will ever have aside from the Lord Himself.

Your spouse is the most treasured relationship you will ever have aside from the Lord Himself. That is why cherishing it and carving out time to spend together, in an intentional way, fosters continual growth and the blossoming of your love for one another well past the “honeymoon” phase of life. 

My husband and I enjoyed setting time aside to go on a date a few times a month. I know of some couples who do a weekly date night and never miss one. I think that is amazing! No matter how you decide to date your spouse, the benefits of setting this time aside to be together and enjoy quality time as one is vastly beneficial. The connection made during these date nights (or date days if that is what you prefer) will strengthen your relationship for one another, build on the foundation of mutual love and enrich your ability to communicate. 

It is often said that a woman’s number one need is for security. As women, we want to feel secure in our relationship, loved, seen and supported. I have also heard many times that the number one need for a man is to feel respected. Men desire to feel that they have the whole-hearted, genuine respect of their wives. They need to know we appreciate them and all they do for us and our family. What better way to show support for each other than planning fun date nights around your spouses interests, hobbies and favorite pastimes. 

Dating your spouse can look however you would like it to. You do not have to invest a lot of money, and as a matter of fact, it doesn’t have to cost any money at all. The main investment should be your time.

Dating your spouse can look however you would like it to. You do not have to invest a lot of money, and as a matter of fact, it doesn’t have to cost any money at all. The main investment should be your time. It’s that simple. 

For my husband and I, we love to go out to dinner, head to the movie theater, take a slow drive in the country with our Starbucks in hand or schedule a back porch night making s’mores by the fire. We enjoy playing a competitive card game of Skip -Bo some date nights and he still writes me “Mr. Darcy” style love letters. We also like spending time on the nature trail at the lake or browsing the stores and shopping (okay, I enjoy the shopping dates way more than he does but it’s a give-and-take, right?). 

Here are some pictures captured on our date days and date nights over the past year.

There is something so special about being intentional with the time you spend with your spouse. You can be in the same room with someone all day and never connect. Sometimes it may even feel like you have one hundred passing conversations with someone and still feel unheard. When you sit down with your spouse, purposing to hear their heart, to listen, to be their safe place and their confidant, true connection happens. Setting time apart to be together without distractions signals to your spouse that they are valued, they are important to you and that you are still pursuing them with fresh excitement in your heart. It’s a wonderful thing! 

Setting time apart to be together without distractions signals to your spouse that they are valued, they are important to you and that you are still pursuing them with a fresh excitement in your heart.

Gods word says, “Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. Then you will win favor and a good name in the sight of God and man.” – Proverbs 3:3-4

Let’s love with our whole hearts, continue to uplift the one God has so graciously given to us and set that precious time aside to date our spouse often.

 Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. 1 Peter 4:8 

Be blessed, friends! And happy dating!

~ Stephanie