When Life Gets Lonely

“Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence? If I ascend into heaven, You are there; If I make my bed in the depths, behold, You are there.” Psalms 139: 7-8

Loneliness can be a topic that is difficult to talk about. Yet, we all have experienced its isolation. The heavy burden of feeling alone can be unbearable at times, weighing us down, crushing us beneath its sorrow and making us feel helpless, forgotten or unwanted.

Some may suffer from loneliness during certain seasons of life. Perhaps you have felt lonely during job changes, moves in location or a painful breakup, while others might struggle to shake loneliness for much longer trials. It can be a stigma that we often choose to keep to ourselves and may be difficult to fully express. No matter who you are, or who you have around you, I think each and every one of us can relate to feeling lonely at times.

Throughout my life I can remember feeling lonely as young as twelve years old. Even though many times I was surrounded by very good people and wonderful family, as I grew in those young years of life, my feelings of loneliness also grew right along with me.

Isn’t it strange how we can be in a crowded room of family and friends – who we would consider great relationships – and still feel loneliness hovering over us, casting a shadow on each conversation? Or, how despite being married to a loving, devoted spouse we still at times feel alone?

Why is that? How can we be truly free from loneliness? Is it even possible?

The truth is, feelings are a gift from God. Pleasant feelings are designed to enhance our lives and not-so-pleasant feelings can serve the purpose of issuing warnings to our spirit – helping direct us, if we pay close attention and earnestly listen.

Feeling lonely is one of those unwanted feeling that most of us could all say we would gladly choose to live without. Yet, I believe with all my heart that God allows it to draw us into a deeper relationship with Him. I think acknowledging the feeling of loneliness is healthy and balanced. Bringing our loneliness before the Lord in prayer, and allowing Him to speak into that part of our lives will bring great comfort. Contrarily, allowing the loneliness to take over our lives and grow into despair or bitterness is where we may get ourselves into unexpected trouble.

We are all created for relationship. God Himself created us for a relationship with Him.

We are all created for relationship. God Himself created us for a relationship with Him. He loves relationships, therefore He created us to love relationships. Unfortunately, we might try to substitute our relationship with Him for other people, places or things. We fill our time with significant others, vacations, the pursuit of money, hobbies, television, children, careers…you name it.

All of these temporal things can bring an element of happiness into our lives but they lack the ability to bring the fulfillment we were created for. These things are blessings, but not to be substituted for The One who blesses! They enhance our lives and are given to us by God to be enjoyed, but they are not deigned to be where our treasure lies. Placing these desires in the spot purposed for Christ will keep us searching for more, as the loneliness in our hearts grows with each passing day.

There is a place in our hearts, a very big place, that can only be filled with God Himself. That place is meant for communication with Him on a daily basis. Communication that lasts throughout the day, maybe consisting of many different topics, requiring speaking as well as earnestly listening. Having this intimacy with Jesus brings us the truth and fulfillment that we are all looking for. Only His presence can fill the loneliness.

Being fulfilled in a relationship with the Lord seems simple in concept yet it requires effort on our part. Quieting ourselves, sitting in His presence and listening for His voice is of such great benefit – springing forth a flourishing river of richness into our lives. It takes self-discipline, a willing heart and obedience. However, the reward is substantial.

“If Christianity was meant to be convenient it wouldn’t have been built on crosses and martyrs. God‘s presence and glory aren’t stumbled onto by happenstance nor are they found by the casual seeker. They are discovered when sought after by passion and intentionality.” – Damon Thompson

Going before the Lord is a soothing balm for our lonely hearts. There is never anyone else who will understand us like Jesus does. His presence meets us where we are and we are changed.

In addition to God’s presence being our fulfillment, our Heavenly Father loves to give good gifts (Matthew 7:11). He is abundantly gracious in placing us around people who will bring out the best in us. After relishing in His presence and being filled with His goodness, He also blesses us with more. He places us in families and plants us in circles of people who can help us grow. He bestows His favor upon us by setting us in communities of friends who will be His hands and feet to us in our time of need. He knows we need each other – we need Him and we need each other.

“God sets the lonely in families…” Psalms 68:6

I remember as a young teen, my mom encouraged me to pray for friends as I began my first day at a new school campus. I followed that advice and that first day I began to make friends at my new school. I also became close with a group of girls from my church and some of these friends are still a huge part of my life today. I love how simple this advice was. “Ask the Lord to bring you friends.” He is always faithful!

Despite this positive experience that I had praying for friends, I still struggled with loneliness into my later teen years. I knew the Lord intimately and had a good relationship with Him but I still allowed the voice of the enemy a place in my life.

As stated in the sovereign Word of God in John 10:10, “The thief comes to steal, kill and destroy”. I experienced this firsthand as Satan had begun to whisper to me that I would always be alone, I was left behind, nobody cared and that my life would never be what I dreamt it would be.

During those years, as I started to watch my friends meet and fall in love with their soulmates, my heart sank deeper into loneliness – loneliness that turned into despair. The voice of the enemy grew louder as I subtly noticed my heart hardening toward the Lord. For the first time, I was questioning whether I would continue on living for the Lord or if I would attempt to try things my own way.

Loneliness was the seed planted in my heart. When watered, it rooted into despair. When left unattended, it grew and blossomed into bitterness. The fruit of that vine was sin.

Loneliness was the seed planted in my heart. When watered, it rooted into despair. When left unattended, it grew and blossomed into bitterness. The fruit of that vine was sin.

I entered into a lifestyle, one step at a time, that was further and further away from everything God had waiting for me. Within a couple of years my life was unrecognizable. I was a broken shell of a person, living in darkness and hopelessness. I had believed the lie of the enemy – that I was truly alone – and found myself in a place I never thought I would ever be.

But do you know who was there with me? Do you know who never once left my side? Do you know who I felt persistently knocking on the door of my heart while I retreated in the darkness and tried to hide my guilt and shame?

Jesus!

Jesus was there. All I needed to do was call out to Him. Once I did, He began showing me which steps to take to find my way home.

Remarkably, in the same manner I had walked into that sinful lifestyle (one step at a time), God patiently required me to walk out. One step at a time, He would show me the next act of obedience. He was setting me free. It was a journey of a few months before the Lord completely broke the bondage of sin off of me. It was one of the most sovereign experiences of my life.

I can vividly remember driving home from work a few months after recommitting my life to the Lord. I was alone in my car with a beaming smile that stretched from ear to ear. I had the most pure and indescribable joy filling my heart (and filling my vehicle), to the point of feeling like I was going to burst! I laughed out loud in that moment and thought, “How strange to be laughing and smiling all alone in my car for no reason!” But it wasn’t for no reason. It was because of Jesus. It was because I felt so incredibly clean inside. Jesus was there! Once the sin had been removed, I could feel Him again. I was not alone. And He had set me free.

After about a year into my recommitment, that familiar ache of loneliness began to quietly creep over me again. It was as if the Lord had brought me full-circle. This time, I knew my God would never leave me or forsake me and I was committed to do the same for Him. He truly is with us in every storm. He never leaves us alone to fight our battles. There are times we may feel alone but it is simply not the truth. He is always with us!

Deuteronomy 31:8 exclaims,

“The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”

If you’re feeling lonely today, you are not alone! You are never, ever alone! Speak God’s powerful truth over yourself, friend. If you would like a list of helpful scriptures to recite over yourselves, my blog “Identity in Christ” may be beneficial.

Sometimes we have to tell our emotions that they do not get to vote! Do not allow your feelings to dictate your life. Use them as indicators to realign yourself with God. Avoid asking yourself, “how do I feel today?” Instead tell yourself, “It doesn’t matter how I feel, I know the truth and the truth is that I am loved, chosen, set apart and that I am never alone!”

Amen!?

To those who are struggling with loneliness, I am praying for you. I’m asking the Lord to give you the good gifts that He has stored up for you. I am asking Him to place you in families. And I am asking Him to draw you into His presence where you can be given life, and live it abundantly! (John 10:10)

Resist the temptation to listen to the voice of the enemy. Do not give him a place to speak his insidious lies like I regrettably did all those years ago. Do not allow that seed of loneliness to take root in your heart. You can fight in the spirit and God Himself will help you. Acknowledge the lonely feeling and lay it at the foot of the cross, trusting Jesus to fulfill your every need.

“For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.” Ephesians 6:12

To the lonely-hearted, run to the Father. His arms are open wide! I am praying for you.

Be blessed, my friends.

~ Stephanie